RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES

Part 2

Having a vision for the kind of relationship you want to cultivate with certain people in your life is paramount.

Most of the time, we take it for granted how a certain relationship will be. When I first realized that I was soon going to become a mother in-law, I froze. All those jokes about the horrible mother in-laws that I used to laugh at, now had my face on them. Mother in- laws were illustrated as the monsters, busy bodies, critical and controlling. I did not like this picture. This cannot be me. I had a moment of reality and in my panic I announced to all my friends that mother in-law jokes are no longer acceptable to me!

I needed a model relationship that I could follow. Some of my friends thought I was over reacting and that I should just accept the role of the ‘monster’ and not take it seriously! It is a given fact, you are the monster in-law.

I needed to create a vision of the kind of mother in-law I wanted to be. Who do I want to be for this young girl walking into my son’s life? Is she the enemy? I was the first woman in my son’s life and now…who am I to him? Am I second? Last? Will she treat him well? Does he know what he is getting into?

I wanted to go against the status quo and be a mother in-love, mother in-grace and not mother in control. This meant that I had to set boundaries for myself. Setting boundaries is a humbling act. It means I value you as a person as much as I value myself. What would I not want for me?

I would not want a controlling, critical person who has no respect for me. I would not want to be undermined and bypassed, ignored and looked down upon. I would not want to be treated less then. I have been there and I was not about to be that to a young beautiful girl who had captured my son’s life.

So, with dignity and respect to myself I intentionally set boundaries for myself – :

Never show up unannounced
Never assume my ideas are better and wiser than hers

Never undermine her authority
Know her and see her for the beautiful person she is
Honor and respect at all times

Setting boundaries for oneself means knowing one’s value and developing dignity and respect for oneself.